Manscaping is preparing your body to be seen outside your bedroom. The most important part of your daily routine is the shower. As a teenage boy your hormones are raging and producing a ripe vintage of manstank that must be wrestled into submission.

Manscaping is about good personal hygiene. Keep yourself clean and smelling nice. Create a daily routine and stick to it.

Make the time.

Take pride in your appearance. It builds your self-esteem.

Look sharp – feel sharp.

Take two showers a day

The morning shower wakes you up and cleans your stank producers – the underarms, dick, balls and arse.  

Bodywash

Step away from the water and use a nice smelling bodywash to lather yourself up. Using your hands is fine but make sure you concentrate on these stank areas. Step back under the water to rinse it off. Bodywash is preferable to a bar of soap as it is easier to get into your butt crack and less likely to dry your skin out.

Face cleanser

While in the shower use a face cleanser. Buy one that targets blackheads and removes oil from your skin. This helps to control acne. Use it in the morning and during the night shower.

Try and finish your shower with a blast of cold water for 30 seconds in the morning. This sharpens you up for the day ahead. Try it for longer if you dare.

Night shower – shampoo

The nightly shower cleans the dirt, sweat and hair product from the day, keeping your bed sheets and pillow fresh. The only difference to the morning shower is washing your hair. Make sure to use a shampoo and conditioner to keep your locks looking their best. Spend at least 30 seconds massaging your scalp before washing it off.

Dry skin is a problem for many guys and dandruff can be embarrassing. Luckily there are plenty of hair products in the shops to fix it. If you are embarrassed to buy it, use the self-serve counter or ask your parents to buy it for you. It is a common problem so don’t sweat it.

Note: Dandruff shampoos should be left in longer than 30 seconds – read the label.

If your parents won’t allow you two showers a day (due to water and heating costs) opt for the morning shower, as it’s crucial to be smelling nice for the day ahead.

Or try negotiating. Have the conversation and try and convince them. Ask for two shorter showers per day rather than a long one. Also point out it makes your room smell nicer and less washing of the sheets is required.

Another option is joining the local gym and using the shower after your afternoon workout. Make two showers a day a priority in your routine.

How to clean your cock

It is important to make sure your dick is always clean and fresh. This is where the two a day shower comes into play. You need to gently pull back the foreskin of your cock and gently clean it with warm water and bodywash to remove the smegma.

Smegma

The result of dead skin cells and fatty oils shed from under the foreskin. Used for lubrication for sex but when dried it becomes Dick Cheese.

When you regularly clean your cock smegma is clear and unnoticeable. When you don’t regularly clean your cock, the smegma turns into Dick Cheese, it becomes white or yellow in appearance with a manky smell. Dick Cheese quickly kills any thoughts of sexy time with your girl, so always make sure your penis is fresh as a mint.

Moisturise

Face

After you have a shower it’s time to decide if you need to have a shave or not. If you are not ready to shave yet, you need to moisturise your skin. This is best done after you clean your teeth and after a shave.

Buy a good quality face moisturiser and use it every morning and every evening after your shower. This is your face shield and protects the skin against the sun, wind and air conditioning. Your skin will look healthier.

Body

Best time to cream up is after you have towelled off and your skin is slightly damp. Look for a light body moisturiser with vitamin E. There are cheap options out there. Rub it on the outside of your dick shaft and balls to keep them looking good. Use it on your elbows and knees to stop them looking dried out. Use it all over your body if you have the time and money to afford it. It helps prevent body acne and chafing. Let it dry before putting on clothes. Continue your routine while it dries out.

Shaving

There is nothing more exciting than seeing those first few hairs begin to grow above your top lip and across your chin. A sure sign of manhood, these hairs should be celebrated and then dealt with.

This means shaving. Until you have enough man-juice flowing to make a proper attempt at wearing a moustache a clean face is the way to go. Patchy, wispy attempts at a moustache must be avoided at all costs.

In this instance, approach your dad, uncle or an older brother and ask them to show you how to shave. Take their advice and the information detailed below.

Equipment Required

Shaving gel or cream: Sensitive skin gel is a good place to start. Shaving cream is a little old school these days but gets the job done.

Shaver: Buy a quality shaver with replaceable blades. There are many on the market to choose from. If you can afford it, go for the quality brands and avoid the cheap disposables as these often have inferior blades that may end up cutting you.

After shave balm or cream: This stops your skin from breaking out in a rash after you shave. If these are too expensive, use a cheap alternative such as Sorbolene cream.

Preparation

Preparation is the key to accomplish most things in life and shaving is no different.

1: Soften up the skin to loosen the hairs by having a hot shower. Shave immediately after having a shower. If you don’t have time for a shower, run a cloth under hot water and compress it against your face for at least a minute.

2: Leave a bit of water on your face and place some shaving gel in your hand. With gel a little goes a long way. Gently lather the gel onto your face until you have a nice even consistency. Make sure to lather up your neck down to the T-shirt line. Neckbeard is a real thing, don’t join the club.

Technique

Just like sanding a piece of wood, go with the grain when you shave. This means following the direction the hairs are growing. Never go against the grain, this can cause cuts and irritated skin.

The hair on your face grows in a downward direction and this should be your movement when shaving.

1: Gently place the shaver under your sideburn and bring it down until you think it is full of shaved hair. Most importantly, rinse the shaver after each stroke to remove the hair it contains. If you don’t do this your next stroke won’t be as effective.

There are two methods for this. To save water, fill the basin with hot water and swish the blades through after each stroke. Or the preferred method, give the shaver a quick blast of hot water from the tap to dislodge the hairs. Or shave in the shower is another option.

2: Work your way towards the mouth area but stop before you reach it and shave the other side of your face. You should be left with shaving cream in the shape of ‘Homer Simpson’. Now comes the tricky part and can lead to the odd nick or two.

3: Stretch your top lip over your teeth and making small movements shave the top of your lip. Make sure you get the corner of your mouth as this is often missed and will be noticed. Once the top lip is done, stretch your bottom lip over your bottom teeth and making small strokes complete the goatee portion of your face. You should now be staring at a clean face with cream still on your neck. 

4: The neck can be quite tricky and has the potential for a ‘miss’ when shaving. The best technique is to begin on the jaw line and stretch the skin upwards.

Make small strokes until the jaw line is clean. Now you can run the shaver up your neck to complete the job. Remember to follow the direction the hair is growing.

This means upwards strokes for the neck. Stop along the T-shirt line of your neck. This gives a clean-cut look which is sure to impress.

5: Once the shave is completed, wash any remaining cream off with warm water and run your hand across your face. This allows you to detect any misses by ‘feel’ rather than sight.

6: Shave any missed patches you discover.

Common misses include the corner of the mouth, directly under the lower lip, below the corner of the jaw line and the bottom of the neck.

Once you are satisfied apply an after-shave cream. This adds moisture to the skin and stops any irritations occurring. Moisturise every morning and every evening to keep the skin looking its best.

Cologne

A nice aftershave or cologne can set you apart from the pack. I’m not talking about Sex Panther here, but something subtle. The key with cologne is to not overdo it. Spray a small spritz against either side of the neck and then one spray on the wrist. Rub your wrists together and you are good to go. If you use too much, the smell is overpowering and looks like you are trying too hard.

Deodorant

Is your new best friend and should be your constant companion. As you go through puberty your hormones are raging and you’re going to sweat – a shit ton. You need to combat your newfound manstank by always having deodorant handy.

Put it on in the morning as part of your routine and use it throughout the day so your scent remains fresh. Bad BO is a sure way to invite insults and hurts your chances with the girls. Have one can at home and the other at school. Borrow from your mates if you need to. They appreciate it.

Look for the non-sweat sporting type of deodorant for during the day.

Ballscaping

Scrotums – like people – come in all shapes and sizes. Some might be baggy with more loose skin, some might be tighter in appearance. Don’t worry about what your nut sack looks like. It is there to do a job of cooling down your swimmers (sperm).

Best option – trimming

You can improve the look of your nut sack by using a trimmer to shorten the pubic hair. There are many body trimmers available on the market and if you can afford it, purchase one that has a skin protector in front of the blade. This lessens the chance of nicking your balls in those hard to reach places.

Shaving

You can also use a razor and shaving gel to remove all the hair from your balls.

If you decide to do this, be careful not to nick or cut your ball sack as it carries precious cargo. If you do shave, you might have the problem of itchy, irritated skin when it grows back. Not a great look to be constantly scratching your balls. Use plenty of moisturiser after you shave and in the days that follow.

Ball waxing

You can try a self-home kit (be careful) or if you are 18 you can go to a professional wax salon. Be prepared to enter the pain game and make sure to follow the post care instructions to avoid ingrown hairs.

Ingrown hairs

You may also get the problem of in-grown hairs. These look like a large red bump on your balls. Don’t worry it’s not an STD, just a ball hair that has curled up on itself. Fixing the problem on the other hand, requires sterilised tweezers and a steady hand. Google it. And may the force be with you.

There is nothing wrong with leaving your ball sack hairy. Men are hairy. Just give the hair a trim as it looks neater and there is a better chance of getting a girl to give you a blowjob. She doesn’t want a whole face full of pubes when she is down there right?

Arse crack

Arse cracks can become pretty hairy, but this is normal. Once again, waxing the crack is an option but pretty full-on request for a teenager, so after a nice shower get the clippers out and trim that hair down. Sit in front of a mirror with some newspaper under your arse so you can see what you’re doing. Once you have trimmed your arse crack toss that newspaper into the bin. Best done when you are home alone.

Swamp ass

Swamp ass occurs after a tough game of sport or even a marathon gaming session. The ass sweats and it has nowhere to go. Bring a change of underwear after playing sport and make sure to shower or at least go to the toilet and wipe your ass with paper to get rid of it.

Don’t go anywhere social with swamp ass. If you are out with friends sweating up the ass on a hot day, excuse yourself and go to the nearest bathroom.

Try buying underwear designed for playing sports in. They are more absorbent of the sweat.

The Head

Manscaping your head should be part of your morning routine. Let’s start from the top and work our way down.

Hair

Haircare is important as you melon is always on display unless you are wearing a hat. Shampoo and conditioner need to be part of your daily routine. When showering at night, make sure to wash and condition your hair and dry it before bed. This is important to remove the hair product from your hair and keep it looking nice and healthy. It keeps your pillow clean and your hair soft. Important for when your girlfriend is running her hands through it.

Dandruff

Scalp problems are common and the most embarrassing of these is dandruff. When your skin dries out it leaves dry flaky skin in your hair. This normally occurs when you don’t look after your hair properly.

This is particularly a problem for boys with dark hair as it sticks out more. This stuff can also dust your clothes and make you an instant target for bullying. Throughout the day check the shoulders of your t-shirt and dust off the dandruff.

Luckily, it’s an easy fix. There are plenty of good anti-dandruff shampoos on the market. Don’t be embarrassed to buy it as it’s more embarrassing to have the condition. This is also a time to get your parents to step in and take one for the team. Get them to buy it for you.

Hairstyle

Your hairstyle defines the image you project to the world. Choose a hairstyle you can pull off and are comfortable wearing. Own it like you were born to it and if any slapnuts gives you shit about it, bite right back. Have confidence in yourself and what you are doing. If you don’t feel confident, don’t put yourself out there until you do. You need to build your confidence a brick at a time. Have a look at your mates and their hairstyles. There is no shame in conforming with the group.

Popular Hairstyles

1. Broccoli head

One of the most popular styles of today. Messy, full hair on top that rolls forward over the forehead. Paired with a high-taper fade on the sides. You need naturally curly or wavey hair to pull it off. Or you can get a perm.

2. The Edgar

Straight-across fringe over the forehead. The sides are kept short with a high skin fade.

3. The Mullet

Popular with NRL players it takes its origins from the 80s mullet but adds style with messy hair on top and a smooth fade around the ears.

4. The Buzz Cut

The easiest cut to maintain. Short buzz cut on top with a blended skin fade on the sides.

If you are not confident about your hair, the easiest option is the buzz cut, or short back and sides. This style is always in fashion and won’t raise any eyebrows. Being an individual is cool, and parents and teachers tell you to express your creativity and individuality but if that means dying your hair blue, be ready for the heat it might bring.

If you have the confidence to pull it off there is no problem. If you can’t take shit and give it back, you might be better off going for the normal short cut.

Your hair can say a lot about you as a person. How you present yourself determines how other people react to you. They might be intimidated or make judgments about your personality. This can work in your favour in the school yard but might hurt your chances when you apply for a job. Think about what you want to achieve with your look.

If you have a large set of nuts and you can take the flak that come from a crazy hairstyle, then give it a go. It makes you stand out in the crowd which is great for approaching girls. You just need to own it. Look at the NRL and AFL players or your favourite streamer for inspiration.

Hair Product

If you are going long on the top with a Broccoli or Edgar you need either salt spray or a matte styling powder (volumising powder) rather than traditional shiny waxes or heavy gels. Or you can use both in tandem.

Warning: These products dry your hair out. Make sure to use a hydrating shampoo so you don’t end up with dandruff or dry, brittle hair.

Salt spray: Apply with damp hair that has just been towel dried. This is the foundation. Perfect for adding volume and relaxed texture, with a natural matte finish. Inspired by hair styles straight from the surf. Use a blow dryer on medium to dry it out. The heat activates the salt spray.

Matte styling powder: Apply with bone dry hair. Puff or sprinkle a small amount of powder directly onto the roots at the top and crown of your head. Use your fingertips to massage the powder into your scalp. This activates the hold. Shape to your required style.

Normal wax: Is a cheaper alternative. Take a small amount the size of a coin and rub between your hands. You don’t want gobs of wax visible in your hair. Use your fingers to style your hair.

It’s important to wash that shit out at the end of the day as it stains your pillow and doesn’t allow your hair to breathe (cause of dandruff).

Neck Hair

Neck hair looks untidy. Buy yourself a cheap pair of clippers and ask a friend or a family member to keep the back of your neck looking fresh. This should be done between haircuts.

Try for a haircut at least once a month if you can afford it.

Eyes and eyebrows

Eyes pretty much look after themselves as long as you wash your face in the morning to remove any eye gunk.  Unfortunately, some people don’t have perfect vision and require glasses. A bad set of glasses can immediately make you look awkward and dent your confidence.

A stylish set of glasses can make you look intelligent and fashionable. It’s important to get a cool pair of frames. Do you know someone who you think is fashionable? Ask them to come along to help you pick up some frames. All the better if the person is a girl, you want the female perspective.

Wearing contacts is another great option. The soft lenses have come a long way in recent years and are easy to use. Never use the monthly lenses though, they accumulate dirt even if you wash them each night and they are prone to giving eye infections. If you can afford them, always use the daily throw away lenses and never sleep in them.

Eyebrows

A good set of eyebrows can define your face nicely. Eyebrows that are out of control on the other hand, make you look like a caveman. This one is easy, if you see any hair growing between your eyebrows (mono-brow), pluck it out with some tweezers or your fingers. Eventually the hair stops growing.

Don’t be shy, ask your barber to trim your eyebrows. This is essential to avoid the mad professor look. If you can afford it, buy a face trimmer. With this you can trim eyebrows, ear and nose hair.

Ears

Much like your nose the ears can grow some unwanted hair and need to be trimmed. Once again if you don’t have a trimmer, use your fingers to pinch the hair out.

Ear wax can build up in the ear and make for a disgusting sight especially if you’re making out with a girl. As part of the morning routine get a cotton bud, lick it and get any excess wax out of the ears. Be careful though, as the ear drum is easily damaged.

Nose

As you grow hair on your body you grow hair in your nose. Nothing to be embarrassed about. There are nose hair trimmers available, and I strongly suggest buying one. Also keep an eye out for any stray hairs that might grow on the surface of the nose.

These can grow long in a hurry and are hard to spot but you can be sure someone else will spot it for you. Make it part of your morning routine to pluck any stray hairs out with tweezers. If you can’t afford a trimmer shove your thumb and index finger up there and pull them out. This job ain’t much fun but better than having visible nose hairs.

Bats in the cave (boogers) can also be a problem. Make sure you give your snout a good clean in the morning, picking your nose is one of life’s simple pleasures but there are some rules involved.

1: Never…and I mean never…pick your nose in public or when someone else can see you (mates excluded).

2: Never wipe your booger on the wall next to your bed. Your parents will kill you.

3: Never flick your booger at anything, parents will kill you. Unless you are in a moving car.

4: Always dispose of your booger with the correct funeral rites. A tissue in the bin or toilet. Not flicking it into the closest corner!

Also, if you notice a booger or nose hair on one of your mates let them know. Do it on the sly, so they don’t get embarrassed. How would you feel if you had a visible booger and your mates didn’t tell you?

Mouth

One of the most important manscaping areas of the head is the mouth and teeth. It is crucial to have healthy teeth. Not only are bad teeth painful, but they limit your chances with girls as not brushing causes bad breath = instant mood killer.

1: Brush your teeth every morning and every night before bed. If you get super-keen brush them after lunch as well.

2: Make sure you brush your gums and tongue. A manky-tongue is no good for making out.

3: Floss your teeth every night at the least. Brushing only gets so much food from the mouth. Flossing daily brings down the chances of getting cavities.

4: If you can afford it, buy an electric toothbrush. They are far superior to a normal toothbrush.

Tip: Don’t use it like a normal toothbrush. Hold it still against each tooth and then move it along to the next tooth. If you use it like a toothbrush (scrubbing) you can remove the tooth enamel.

Nice minty breath is the reward, important when you kiss a girl.

Lips are also important in the kissing process. Buy yourself some cheap lip balm and put it on every morning and evening before bed. This stops your lips from cracking and keeps them nice and soft. It will be noticed.

Chest, back and underarms

Not much manscaping to be done here besides the choice of whether to wax or not. Having chest hair signifies becoming a man and should be embraced. The only thing needed is a light trim with some body hair clippers, especially around the nipples.

Or leave them as is.

This is the same for the hair under your underarms. If it gets too long give it a trim so it’s short and tidy.

If you have a lot of back hair growing a good option is getting it waxed. It’s going to hurt, it’s expensive and you have to do it every 4-5 weeks.

The more expensive but permanent option is laser hair removal. The procedure is having the area shaved and then a laser is used to kill the hair follicle.

Important: This means you need someone to volunteer to shave your back each time before the procedure.

Although people might give you a bit of stick for having back hair, it’s not a big deal. Blokes are hairy. We used to be covered in it to protect us from the cold winters. If someone gives you shit just tell them, ‘That’s pure man right there baby.’

Arms and hands

Don’t touch the hair on your arms or hands. It’s a natural part of being a man.

Fingernails

Your fingernails do require attention. Make sure to keep them short and clean. Use nail clippers and dispose of them in the bin, not on the floor. Girls notice small things like fingernails. If you are going to touch intimate parts of her body, she wants to know they are clean.

Biting your nails is a bad habit and a bad look – stop it before it becomes a lifelong habit.

Palms

The palms of your hands should have some visible callouses on them. Achieved by manual labour such as chopping wood or lifting weights. No excuse for no callouses, wear them as a badge of honour.

Callouses from playing Xbox or wanking don’t count.

Legs

Legs pretty much look after themselves. If you’re an athlete, you can shave them down but otherwise they require zero manscaping. Athletes shave down their legs to increase their speed and it also helps if you take skin off during a game or a bike ride. The scab heals faster if it doesn’t have hair to contend with.

Feet

Feet are often forgotten when it comes to manscaping, but they are so important when it comes to battling your manstank.

1: Always wear a clean pair of socks. One day of your foot is enough to turn a sock radioactive. Put that bad boy back on your foot and the next day your foot odour floats through the classroom like an evil poltergeist.

2: Trim your toenails. There is nothing more funky than long toenails. Especially in the summer months you need to keep your nails short and clean. Trim them outside with clippers or make sure you pick them up and throw them in the bin.

3: Always dry your feet and in between your toes after the shower or swimming to avoid fungal infections like athlete’s foot. If you use a communal shower at the pool, make sure you wear flip flops, thongs or sandals.

4: Wear cotton socks that breathe and not collect your foot sweat in them.

5: Give your feet some love by using a moisturiser or heel balm. A cheap cream does the trick to keep the skin from flaking.

6: Give them air, take your socks off when you get home. Run them under the shower to get rid of the odour. Yes, your feet stink.

7: Always use a different pair of socks to play sport in.

Look sharp – feel sharp