You are blessed with the ability to piss standing up but cursed with equipment that has the accuracy of a Stormtrooper. It is essential to check the toilet floor after you take a piss.
Look on the floor directly below to see if there are any piss drops. If you see them, take a piece of toilet paper and clean it up. If you know your aim was a bit wild, check the side of the toilet bowl and behind it as well.
Your family doesn’t want to be stepping in your piss. This habit puts you in good form when you visit the house of your girlfriend. She won’t be impressed if she goes to the toilet after you, only to discover a man-made lake of piss in front of her toilet.
Always put the toilet seat down after you take a piss. It shows consideration to the females in your household and is a good habit for when you visit your girlfriend.
Pro-tip: Avoid any chance of spillage by taking a piss sitting down.
Skid marks belong on the race track – not the bowl
Taking a shit is a wonderful pleasure but you need to make sure the clean-up is perfect. There is nothing worse than walking into a bathroom to see skiddies, or the seat has been crop-dusted.
Leave no trace
1: Wipe your arse until there is nothing left on the toilet paper – yes, you need to visually inspect to make sure the job is done.
2: Stand up and take a piece of toilet paper and wipe the seat down. You might find there is light crop-dusting or a few stray ass hairs left behind.
3: Flush the toilet and inspect the bowl. If there is a skid mark, take the toilet brush and scrub it off. Flush the toilet again washing the toilet brush in the clean water.
4: Give the bathroom a solid spray from the air-freshener to mask your stench.
Pro tip: Try and avoid taking a shit at your girlfriend’s house.
Your body is a routine machine. Work to get yourself in the routine of taking a morning dump. This should be part of your morning ritual. Take a dump and then take a shower.
This means you can avoid taking a shit at school.