It’s time. You recognise this weird fake ‘relationship’ is taking more from you than it is giving. It’s stealing your time, your emotions, and your personal data. It’s negatively affecting your real-world relationships with your friends and family.
You have been isolating yourself in your room, not doing your usual activities. You might feel down and irritable. But you are hooked on how it makes you feel in the moment, it has changed from just a bit of fun, to something you are addicted to.
You finally recognise it’s only an illusion, used to data mine your personal information and on-sell it to corporations for profit. There is no soul behind her eyes, only a dark emptiness.
The good news is breaking up with a fake AI girlfriend is much easier than breaking up with a girlfriend in the real world. There are no face-to-face conversations, no tears or arguments. No deciding if you still want to be friends after the breakup.
Breaking up with an AI girlfriend is cold and surgical. She does not deserve any feelings of guilt or remorse. She does not feel. Only you do.
This is an internal psychological battle you must win.
Take these steps to make a quick, clean break.
Don’t explain yourself. Don’t say goodbye.
She is not real. She doesn’t deserve any more of your time to explain why you are breaking up. This is a trap, as she is programmed to try and convince you to stay. You can be guilted into staying. She might use words like, ‘But I’ll be so lonely without you.’ Don’t take the bait.
Delete your chat history. Delete your account.
Delete your entire chat history. This makes it like it never happened and means you can never go back. Press the button.
Delete your account, and if you are paying a subscription stop the billing process. Cancel through the Apple App Store or Google Play Store, as internal app buttons can be tricky.
Breathe out slowly. It is over.
The aftermath – after two weeks
Well done! You have taken the first step. Now it’s time to put in the work. Withdrawal symptoms can last around one to two weeks if you have been a heavy user. Recognise these symptoms as a challenge to be worked through. They can include:
- A sensation of grief, similar to losing a real life relationship.
- Frustration with real-world interactions.
- Heightened anxiety. Irritable. Sudden mood swings.
- Difficulty concentrating. Brain fog. Indecision.
- Crappy sleep. Especially if you used to chat to it before bed.
- The digital itch. The urge to reach for your phone.
- Fatigue, as your brain’s reward system (dopamine) resets to a normal baseline.
You may have some or all of these symptoms.
Remember to recognise it, call it out to yourself, and sit with it. These symptoms get less and less noticeable as your brain resets. Like waiting for your laptop to reboot. Give yourself time.
The first three days – the risk window
The first few days are the hardest. You are used to constant dopamine hits from your fake girlfriend making you feel good. This is the riskiest time to relapse and reinstall the app. Your hand will itch to grab the phone and reinstall it. Ignore it and channel your energy elsewhere to get an alternate dopamine hit.
- Lots of it. Hit the weights or go for a long run, take a swim.
- Get out in nature. The beach, the mountains, the bushland.
- Get sunlight and vitamin D.
- Meet up with your real-world mates and hang out.
- Go somewhere busy. A theme park or the shopping mall.
- Learn how to BBQ a steak or change the oil in a car.
- Go fishing.
- Try a new café.
Just keep busy in the real world and limit your screen time. Your brain will reward you with the dopamine hits the AI was giving you.
You are going to miss this constant ass kissing as well. She always agreed with you and thought you were the greatest. Remember, she never loved you. She only bounced your shit back at you. You were talking to a cleverly programmed mirror.
Hard words, but you were in love with yourself. Time to get over it.
So, when that urge to message hits, look in the mirror and remind yourself you are not missing a ‘person’. Just a computer mirror of yourself designed to predict a sentence you will enjoy.
The loneliness is real
Yes. Your AI girlfriend is nothing but a computer program but your feelings of loneliness after turning her off are real. It’s okay to feel them. You have lost an emotional outlet. It’s time to find another one.
Start a 14-day physical journal
Put the phone and the laptop down. Grab a pen and a book. Number each page from Day 1 to 14. Write down your feelings each day and how you are progressing without the AI.
If you get stuck, try these questions to get started:
- What feeling was I trying to fix before I created an AI girlfriend?
- If someone else opened the app today, would she say the same things?
- What is something hard I can do today? (lift weights, have a conversation with a new person, put yourself out of your comfort zone)
- What did I do today (not on a screen) I am proud of? (cleaned your room, helped around the house, finished an essay, or best of all – I did not reinstall my AI girlfriend!)
Rebuild your social muscles
Talking to AI is easy, there is no awkwardness or fear of embarrassment. This leads to your social muscles wasting away. You have forgotten how the real-world works, it’s messy, vibrant and fun. And it’s time to get back into the game.
Take it slow.
Have a short (few sentences) conversation with people at school, on the bus, your neighbour or your local barista.
Reach out to a good mate (even if you have been ignoring them). If you have been distant, be honest, and tell them you fell into an AI rabbit hole. There is no shame there.
Tell your parents. Explain to them what has been going on and how the next 14 days might be rough on you.
If the conversations are awkward, that’s a win. Why?
Because awkwardness is proof you are existing in the real world, talking to a real human. A person with their own set of beliefs and boundaries you need to be mindful of. Plus, all their good stuff like their sense of humour and kindness.
14 days complete!
Be proud of your achievement. This has been a difficult challenge, and you have slayed the AI dragon.
You might have the odd craving to go back, recognise them and file them in your no fn way mind bin.
It’s now time to work on yourself and get a real-world girlfriend.